Steroids: High in Trans Fats
How could you see that and not think that Cecil Fielder was chronically abusing steroids when he was an active player? The truth is right there, we just have to be willing to see it.
NOTE: I probably should have mentioned in the preceding paragraph that I use the terms "abusing steroids" and "eating several dozen donuts" interchangeably. Just so you know.
Have you ever read Gulliver's Travels? I never made it all the way through in high school, so lately I've been trying to finish it, and all I have to say is: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING. Do you see how many "o's" I used in the word "boring"? I did that to indicate to you just how boring I'm finding the travels of Gulliver to be. It's an old blogger's trick. Anyways, I just wanted to make sure I got my Gulliver hate on the record. It's the kind of thing that I feel is so important, the whole Internets got to knows about it.
The other night I watched that movie Sicko, and all I have to say is: never before have I been more afraid of being run over by a zamboni machine than I am right now, and I have health insurance. Accordingly, I would like to go ahead and say that if there are any Canadians out there who would be willing to marry me so that I could legally emigrate to Canada, let's do it. I don't have much to offer as compensation, but I will say that I am very good at folding laundry, I don't mind vacuuming, and I'm not averse to sticking my hand down the kitchen sink drain when the disposal is clogged. Also, I will throw in $20 and a custom-made mix CD to anyone who marries me. Seriously, shop around--you're not going to find a better deal amongst disillusioned Americans trying to gain access to awesome free Canadian health care. Except maybe on Craig's List.
Breaking Hygiene-Related Catastrophe: I was just brushing my teeth (just now, in between the last paragraph and this one), and I dropped a HUGE blob of toothpaste onto my shirt. I wiped it off, but the damage is done. I'll post more information on this story as it develops.
