Drinkological Disputation

For some reason, that "dramatic squirrel" video has blown-up on the Internets recently, even though it had already blown up in a much bigger fashion a few months ago. Weird. Maybe the life cycle of stuff on the Internet is so short these days that we forget that they even happened in the first place, making them that much better when they happen again and we don't even know that they already happened. Or, maybe Internet videos are like prize-fighters, making the occasional comeback attempt, trying to recapture their former Internet-meme glory (if that is the situation, it hopefully means that "All Your Base" will make a comeback soon--that video RULED). Or, maybe the Internet, just like network television, has to air repeats occasionally. Regardless of which of the previously mentioned, totally awesome theories that you subscribe to, all I'm trying to say is that this "Kill Bill" remix of the dramatic squirrel is funnier than 800 episodes of Two and a Half Men, and it proves that as long as there's stuff like this around, I don't give a shit how long the WGA strike lasts:

Anyone who's a Kiss fan and is on their mailing list has, by now, resigned him/herself to the fact that rather than receiving news about new tour or album plans, all one receives instead is announcements of the latest Kiss merchandise for sale. By and large that's okay, because it's not like us Kiss fans are unaware of the band's love of ducats. But, every now and again, something so lame comes along that I have to shake my head at Gene Simmons and wonder why he's such a money-grubbing douche bag. Case in point: the ad I received today for Kiss shot glasses. It pains me to criticize these things, because (a) I love Kiss and (b) I have a massive shot glass collection, so taking two things that I love and combining seems like it would make both things even better (like, for example, if you took naked ladies and robots and stuck them together to create robots hanging out with naked ladies--that's a winning combination in anyone's book). Alas, the only things these shot glasses do is annoy me, for this reason: the drink names and recipes on the back of each glass. Would it have killed Kiss to put any effort into coming up with witty name/recipe combinations? As it is, they have three song titles chosen seemingly at random and then paired with also seemingly random recipes. Deuce, Hooligan, Love Gun...sorry jack, but none of those sound anything remotely close to drink names. And then the fourth glass has Cold Gin on it, which is already a fucking drink, so it doesn't need a recipe. It's gin served cold, it's not rocket science--if you can't figure out how to make that on your own, you probably shouldn't be handling alcohol, or sharp objects for that matter. They might as well have a fifth shot glass with Vinnie Vincent's face on it and a recipe for ice water. But to return to my main point: there are numerous Kiss song titles that lend themselves to drink names much more readily than Hooligan or Deuce. For example, you could combine Drambuie and lighter fluid and call it "All Hell's Breaking Loose." Or, you could have a recipe for homemade grain alcohol under the name "Goin' Blind." And what about the "C'mon and Love Me", which is any liquor plus one Rohypnol? At the very least, Kiss could have called a drink the "Black Diamond" and just had a recipe on the back reading "Fill glass with Jager; drink; repeat until blacking out." That way, they could have gotten the good people at Jagermeister Industries to underwrite the whole shot glass project--it's called cross-branding, and it's what smart businessmen do. The point is, I've thought about this for about 10 seconds and I've already come up with WAY better Kiss-themed drinks than Kiss themselves, and I didn't even get paid for my efforts. What kind of world is this?