I'll Use a Door On Your Face!
I was talking to my friend Paul the other night, and we hit upon an idea for an email campaign that I think would be pretty damn hilarious, if I weren't too much of a pussy to try it out. Essentially, I would just randomly email people in my address book, people that I know and that I am on good terms with, and simply write, "Dude, I'm sending you this email because we are friends...seriously, what the fuck?" Nothing else--just an email out of the blue asking "what the fuck?" And then, I would sit back and wait for the replies, which I imagine would be ones of either confusion (what the fuck do you mean?), accusation (you brought it upon yourself, fuckbag!), paranoia (who the fuck told you?), or outright hostility (FUCK YOU!). I think it could be quite a nifty little experiment, because I might unearth some things about people that I would never have known otherwise. Of course, I would probably alienate a lot of people as well. So I'm in the midst of doing what economists call a cost benefit analysis. Perhaps I should try this out at work first to gauge what happens. It might be quite fun to randomly email a coworker and say "Hey, just wanted to let you know that I heard what you said--NOT COOL." Can you imagine the dirt I might uncover just by totally making shit up like that? The dirtiest dirt, that's what kind of dirt. I am definitely going to think about this. OH YES.
Do you ever walk up to the door of a building, and there are two doors, and as you're going in someone is coming out (that sounded perverse, but I didn't mean it that way) (except I kind of did), and rather than utilize the door on the left while you use the one on the right, the person just stands there and waits for you to enter, and then s/he exits through the very door that you just used? Why do people do this? What makes occurrences like this worse is that these door morons (or "doorons", as I call them) usually have a recriminating look on their face, like their day has now been totally slowed-down and ruined. How about this: there are two doors--I'll use one, you use the other, and we'll both go about our business. Sound good? Whatever, I know there's no point in even talking about this--such double-door-dickery will continue to happen unabated, even though it PISSES ME OFF. This is why it's probably good that I don't own a taser--I could see myself randomly electrocuting people over their lack of door-use skills. Although that might not be so bad--if you can think of a more legitimate use for a taser, I'd love to hear it.
That being said, no tasers needed here, as this week's Boner Batch is so jamming, it's guaranteed to electro-rock your balls right off (even if you don't have any)!:
Song of the Week: Torche -- Rule the Beast
Album of the Week: Electric Eel Shock -- Beat Me
Movie of the Week: Tideland
Quote of the Week: "We do not have the right to force others to see the Truth in our way." -- Mahatma Gandhi
