Insightful Discussion of Two Very Important Things
Last night I had to change clothes in a public restroom. We don't know why, we don't want to know why. Such things are probably best left undefined. Anyways, I changed my clothes in the handicapped stall, as it was the only stall in the bathroom big enough to allow such an activity. This reminds me, how come you always see handicapped stalls, but you never see andycapped stalls? What, people in wheelchairs need preferential bathroom treatment, but working class, wife-beating drunks don't? WHATEVER. I digress. The point is that some thoughtful person had removed the latch from the door to the handicapped stall, which meant that the door wouldn't stay closed unless it was held closed. As such, I had to try to change my clothes while sticking a foot (one of mine, duh) under the door and holding it closed. I did this because I didn't want to just try to change quickly and then get my shirt stuck on my head or something (as happens often when I try to change in a hurry) and have someone walk in and see me standing around a bathroom half-naked and confused. After all, I have an image that I'm trying to uphold, and I generally don't like to be half-naked and confused in a bathroom unless it's a Saturday night. You know what I'm saying. But here's the thing: in the long run, I'm not sure if not being seen half-naked and confused in the bathroom was worth it, because generally speaking, holding the door closed with my foot was a truly terrifying experience. Not only was it terrifying in an "unbalanced, ready to fall over and split my head open like a delicious ripe cantaloupe" kind of way, it was also terrifying in a "Larry Craig funky bathroom sex signal" kind of way. I make that latter point because I am not a connoisseur of funky bathroom sex, and as such, I have no idea what type of request is made by "foot clad only in sweatsock under stall door", but I worried about it the entire time that I was getting changed. Frankly, I'm still kind of worried about it, because I don't know what the statute of limitations is for these type of requests (intentional or otherwise). In other words, maybe these requests aren't always fulfilled right away. Might I not have inadvertently set some creepy wheels in motion that I can't undo? I might be overreacting. Perhaps sticking my foot under the door translates to something innocuous like "person in stall is requesting a near-mint copy of Jugs magazine from March, 1989", and someday soon, someone will show up at my house with the magazine in question, for free! I'd totally be down with that. But, my door-holding might translate to something dreadful, like "person in stall is requesting to be forcibly molested by the entire starting defensive line of the Saskatchewan Roughriders." I mean, that would be awful. Mainly because it would involve people from Saskatchewan. Grody. Seriously, if it was the guys from the Toronto Argonauts I guess it wouldn't be so bad. I've blathered on long enough. All I'm really trying to say is that if this blog stops being updated and the Argonauts suddenly become horrible on defense, send the cops to Public Rest Area 17B, will you? Thanks.
