Good Advice is Good Advice
Yesterday's beverage body count: 4 beers, 1 Gatorade, 5 bottles of water, 4 coffees. That's liquid domination, right there. No wonder I couldn't stop peeing. I guess it was just a liquidized day, capped off by the fact that I woke up last night completely drenched in sweat. I had soaked my pillow, and overall the situation was so bad that I had to get up and dry my hair with a towel and change my jammies (for the record: I changed from my Batman footies to my emergency backup Alf pajamas). The whole thing was pretty gross. But, I guess that's why pillows have two sides, right? Right.
I should probably note that the aforementioned sweat thing wasn't from beverages, I think it had to do with fever--hayfever (or, as the French call it, Le Hayfever). You see, my allergies are killing me. They're dominating me the way that I dominated beverages yesterday (FYI--in case you skipped ahead in this entry to save time, I discussed this beverage domination in the previous paragraph; you should go back and read about it, because it is awesome). Specifically, I'm having problems with the ragweed--the count is high, like an NBA player on stilts. You see what I'm saying. So, I was researching ragweed allergies on the internet, and I came across this suggestion, from the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, for combating the effects of ragweed allergies: "Get away from the pollen where possible. People in the Eastern and Midwestern states may get some relief by going west to the Rocky Mountains and beyond. Going to sea or abroad in late summer can greatly reduce exposure." Really--that's the proposed solution? That I should go west to the Rocky Mountains and beyond? That's awesome. That's great advice. The best way to combat allergies is to purchase a second home thousands of miles away and then go there when the pollen going gets tough back east. That's advice that you can take to the fucking bank. Thanks, Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America! You see, this is why I love science: it's so useful. Yeah. I have more to say but I'm going to stop here, as I'm going to go compose several thousand hate mails for a certain Foundation of America that deals with Asthma (and also Allergy). I'm not going to tell you which specific foundation I'm referring to here. But, if you locate and interpret the 17 clues that have been secretly placed in this entry, you can figure it out. If you decipher the code and learn the name of the foundation in question, meet me in Times Square at noon tomorrow with the answer, and I will reveal to you the location of the jade monkey.
