More Innovative Than 1000 Merriam Websters
Something else: I'm sure that I can't be the only one who's thought of that, and yet I've never heard it before. When innovation in language dies, fascism can't be far behind.
Something something else: this morning I put on some jeans and discovered that they were pretty smelly. Quite stinky. Fully funkified in a non-George Clinton kind of way. Gross. But, rather than change into another pair of jeans, I hosed myself down in Febreze and went to work. My pants are still kind of wet from the aforementioned hosing. This raises an important question: what did smelly people do before Febreze? Laundry? That's just dumb. An even more important question: don't I care that I'm smelly? That's a question I have an answer for: not really. Here's the story I'm going with: I'm wearing smelly jeans because I'm trying to reduce my carbon footprint and doing less laundry, and fewer chores in general, will help me with this. So, call me smelly if you must, but just know that I'm the one trying to save the environment. What are you doing? Taking showers and brushing your teeth? That's just GREAT. You might as well light a baby seal on fire and then run over its charred corpse with a Humvee. What's wrong with you?
Something something something else: I received a catalogue in the mail from AllPosters.com; the cover features the slogan "Inspiring Icon: Turn Your Walls Into a Hall of Fame" underneath several framed poster-sized covers of Rolling Stone magazine. Looking through the examples that the douches at AllPosters chose, I can't help but think that the words "inspiring" and "icon" have sunk to new lows. Duran Duran, Gwen Stefani, the cast of Friends, Shakira...wow, it's a veritable who's-who of history's most inspiring personalities! Alright, I'll admit that Shakira does inspire me to have a boner, but the rest of those losers don't inspire me to do anything other than poke my eyes out with a letter opener. Really, I'm supposed to be inspired by these people? Inspired to do what, exactly? Bleach my hair and sing watered-down pop songs? Thanks anyway, but if I want to do that, I'll go to the master: that one lady who sang for Berlin. Everyone else is just a pretender. Am I wrong?
And now, that thing that has no name:
Song of the Week: Akimbo -- Wizard Van Wizard
Album of the Week: High On Fire -- Death Is This Communion
Movie of the Week: Blades of Glory
Quote of the Week: "Often the less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it." -- Mark Twain
