A Highly Toilet-ified Entry
In case you can't tell, that's a toilet seat that was broken off of its moorings and thrown to the ground in an unceremonious fashion. I'm not sure how something like that happens, but I assume that it happens in a brutal manner. Did a big fat guy sit down too fast in the john and break the seat off with his gigantic, pockmarked (and gigantically pockmarked) ass? Or, did a big fat guy, after slowly sitting down, blast a hurricane-sized fart so intense, it blew the seat clear out of the stall? Was the toilet possessed by a demon, and the removal of the seat happened when it was spinning around and spitting out pea soup (well, what we hope was pea soup)? Did a ninja get into a fight with the commode after the toilet insulted his clan? We could sit here and theorize all day, and never get any closer to the truth. The point is this: no matter how bad you have it, just be glad that you're not a toilet seat in a metal club. Hmmm, I think I just came up with my first statement worthy of its own bumper sticker. This is a glorious day for The Kurt.
Speaking of toilets, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that on my trip to Portland, I had to change planes at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. And yes, I used the bathroom while I was there. Were the gay sex solicitations a-happening? Yes, as long as by "gay sex solicitations" you mean "urine", and by "a-happening" you mean "coming out of my wiener and going into the commode." The whole thing was Larry Craig-errific, I can tell you that much. Do you suppose that the previously described de-seating of the toilet had something to do with a police sting? Or, do you suppose that throwing a toilet seat onto the ground is some sort of bathroom sex symbol that I'm not sophisticated enough to recognize? Isn't the world a confusing enough place without having to worry about shit like this? Toilet, that's all I have to say.
