Notes Concerning Coffee, Nose Blowing, and the Soviet Menace
I saw that trash can that I was just discusserizing after stopping at Dunkin' Donuts for some coffee. As such, I was thinking about an important question: how much coffee during the day is too much coffee? Some people say that anything more than 40 cups is too much. I say those people are pussies. In my book, you haven't really even had coffee until you (a) start sweating, (b) experience heart palpitations, and (c) start seeing through time. That's the point of drinking coffee, right? If you don't want to induce mystical visions due to caffeine poisoning, why are you even having coffee in the first place? You should just switch to Chamomile or something. Am I wrong? I fucking doubt it.
This article is kind of interesting; it discusses some guys over in Russia who have opened a museum housing video games from the Soviet era that they've rescued and are trying to repair. The thing is, while I salute their efforts and their intentions, I think that their museum is a SHAM, because they're missing most of the top video games that the Soviet Union had to offer. I read the aforementioned article, and nowhere did I see mention of Wizards & Warriors & Breadlines, or Marble MADness (the game of Mutually Assured Destruction--with marbles!), or Teenage Mutant Ninja Proletarians, or 5 Year Plan!, or Mustache Hunt (the game where you help Stalin find his missing mustache). What's the point of even opening the museum without those games? It's equivalent to launching a restaurant and then only serving peanuts and Hot Pockets. Once again, I ask, am I wrong? Once again, I fucking doubt it.
Yesterday during Father's Day dinner we were discussing fucked up things that we or our friends have done, and my brother's girlfriend told us that one time, in an effort to be more "punk rock", her friend blew her nose on a dress in Nordstrom's. Is it just me, or does this RULE? I have nothing to add to the story--I just wanted to get it down here on the record and declare it an excellent achievement. Someday, I too hope to blow my nose on a garment in an act of rocking defiance. Until then, let me dream if I want to.
