My Blog is Deflated
1. I was recently run over by 7 different buses (in a row, not simultaneously--duh), and my intensive care unit only has dial-up, making the act of blog posting frustrating at best, and impossible most of the time, mainly due to that old guy with gout who routinely ties up the connection for hours at a time while he downloads jpegs of naked ladies.
2. I've been incredibly depressed, and in many ways this depression has sapped my will to blog. Why have I been depressed, I hear myself asking me? Mainly it's been due to the failure of my Baby Nietzsche line of multimedia products. People, Einstein wasn't the only genius that ever walked the face of the Earth. What's wrong with enhancing your kid's vocabulary whilst also educating him/her about The Will to Power? Nothing, or so my lawyers will argue in the class action suit that has been filed against me.
3. I've also been incredibly confused and shocked (in almost equal measure) to the point of inaction after having read this article about historically inaccurate films. Here's the line from the article that did it: "Director Roland Emmerich is usually a stickler for realism (see: sending a computer virus via Macintosh to aliens in Independence Day)." Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum flying into outer space and hacking into an alien computer network with a laptop is considered to be realistic? I haven't been this shocked and/or confused by someone's take on a film since my friend Jerome told me that he thought that the movie 300 was about the Battle of Thermopylae (and not, as it seemed to me, the divisive issue of gays in the military). The ensuing shock and confusion (or, as I think we should call it, "shockfusion"), has made me worry that I'm polluting the blogosphere with my incredibly off-base, off-target, and all around off observations.
4. My foot hurts.
5. I've developed a form of synesthesia that causes me to smell my blog entries, and friends, as my cousin Cleavon used to say about dead pigs, it ain't smell pretty. I would liken the stench of my blog to the scent of a thousand colons battling a thousand armpits on the roof of a rendering plant. Does that seem like something I want to expose myself to? Not really.
So you can see, there are several factors governing my blogging activity, or lack thereof. Maybe I'll get back into the groove, maybe I won't, but either way, one thing's for sure: 300 was a softcore gay porn. I'm not wrong about this, I don't care what anyone says.
