Massive Maidenological Recapinizing
***************
The tone for the show was set early on; wandering through the concrete bowels of the Izod Center, I overheard a long-hair-sporting, jean-jacket-wearing metalhead say this on his cell phone: "Alright, well uh, I'm gonna go find my seat and prepare to have my mind blown." Awesome, just awesome: how many other artists are there that blow minds so thoroughly, their audience has to prepare for said mind-blowing ahead of time? None, aside from, of course, Hannah Montana.
***************
Speaking of clothing (I mentioned jean-jackets in the previous point, in case you weren't paying attention) (given that this post is about Iron Maiden, there's a very good chance that you weren't paying attention then, and you're not paying attention now, either; TOO BAD, we're talking about Maiden and there's nothing you can do about it), one thing is true: whereas it is normally considered passe to wear the t-shirt of a band at a show that that band is playing, the opposite holds true for Iron Maiden. I would guess that at this particular show, the ratio of people wearing Iron Maiden shirts to those not wearing them was two to one. Furthermore, the gulf between the Maiden shirt wearers and non-shirt wearers only grew as the night went on, as I saw dozens of people buy shirts there and put them on over the t-shirt they were already wearing, thereby proving that old adage: nothing says "I'm metal as fuck" like wearing two t-shirts at once.
***************
This tour is being billed as the "Somewhere Back In Time Tour." The last time Maiden went out on the road, they played their latest studio album, A Matter of Life and Death, in its entirety. This time around, as a reward to their fans for their set-list patience on the previous tour and to celebrate the DVD release of their classic video Live After Death, Iron Maiden is only playing the old shit. In other words, there was a real throwback feeling about the evening. And that's why I'm glad that the show was at the Izod Center: it was the perfect venue for such a show, because (a) unlike "modern" arenas the Izod Center is not filled with skyboxes and, you know, amenities--I came of age going to shows in crusty concrete monstrosities that would be more at home in Soviet Russia than suburban America, and I firmly believe that that's how arena shows should be; and, more importantly, (b) all of the refreshment stands in the building featured menus that flaunted their wares on a teal background. Not since the heyday of Windows 95 has teal had such a prominent gig. I truly felt that I was somewhere back in time (tour). I should probably point out that it's possible that the vast amount of mullets, jean jackets, and white high-top sneakers on display at the Izod Center might have contributed to the throwback vibe as well.
***************
Our seats: they were terrible. I mean, they were far away--the actual seats were fine--they supported my weight without a problem. But, in terms of proximity to the stage, they weren't. Proximate, that is. You see what I'm saying. This picture should give you an idea of how far away we were:
Now, in a general sense, the seat locations at a show like this don't matter: you can still see all the action on-stage just fine--as a matter of fact, you can see the entire stage and backstage area at all times, which is neat. Plus, for short people like me, it's a bonus, because I don't have to spend the whole time shifting left and right just to see around the gigantic mongoloid dude that invariably stands directly in front of me when I go to shows. Additionally, Iron Maiden is so fucking loud that it's not like you're missing out sonically by being up in the 200-level. No, what sucks about seats like these is this: apparently, they're so high and steep that they thoroughly confuse drunken douche bags with low IQs and poor motor skills. Allow me to explain. It's the end of Number of the Beast; I'm standing, rocking out, drinking my beer. All of the sudden, something crashes into me; I fall forward, bark my shins on the seats in front of me and dump my beer all over the two hapless chaps sitting in them. The reason? Some asshat from two rows back, who probably called in sick to the local glue factory that night so that he could attend the show, was apparently unable to grasp the advanced concept of "standing in place", and so he tumbled down the stairs and onto me. Nice work, sport! This moron proceeded to, for unknown reasons, stumble up and down the stairs for the rest of the evening, and he never did buy me a replacement beer. That's democracy for you.
***************
The night provided credence for the second of what I think are the two main theories regarding opening acts. The first of these is that "awesome opening bands are a good idea because they get everyone pumped up for the main act"; this theory was successfully tested the last time I saw Iron Maiden, when Motorhead and Dio played first, whipping everyone up into a metal frenzy, making Iron Maiden's performance seem that much more rocking in the process. Unfortunately, this time around, the band apparently decided to successfully test the second opening act theory, which is: "book an opening band so unbelievably shitty that by the time the headliner comes on the audience will cheer loudly because they'll simply be grateful to be hearing music that doesn't make them want to beat themselves into unconsciousness with their own shoes."
***************
We debated on the way to the show if metal-maestro Eddie Trunk would be there. I was certain he would be; not only was I right, but Eddie Trunk actually introduced the band before they went on. The point: I am awesome.
***************
Also awesome: the aforementioned "comprised only of classics" set list--with one exception. Fear of the Dark--why did they play this song? It's from freaking 1992. We're not talking about the 90s here, we're talking about the 80s. Also, that song sucks. But, everyone needs a chance to go to the bathroom during a show, right? Right.
For the record, in case someone stumbles across this someday looking for info for their ultimate Maiden fan site, here is the full set list: Intro-Churchill Speech / Aces High / 2 Minutes to Midnight / Revelations / The Trooper / Wasted Years / The Number of the Beast / Can I Play with Madness? / Rime of the Ancient Mariner / Powerslave / Heaven Can Wait / Run to the Hills / Fear of the Dark / Iron Maiden / Encore: Moonchild / The Clairvoyant / Hallowed Be Thy Name
[Note: My friend Paul disputes my set list notes, stating "this doesn't seem right to me. What I remember them playing was: Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter / Hooks In You / The Clansman / The Wickerman / Hello, I Love You / Invaders / Caught Somewhere In Time / The Evil That Men Do / Alexander The Great / L.A. Woman / Gangland / 22 Acacia Avenue / Encore: Back In The Village / The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner / Love Her Madly / Alexander The Great"]
***************
I mentioned Eddie Trunk earlier (seriously, are you even paying attention?), and I should point out that aside from that Eddie, legendary mascot Eddie the Head also made an appearance, during Iron Maiden's classic musical tribute to themselves, Iron Maiden. Eddie was in full cyborg mode (circa the Somewhere in Time era), but rather than do anything overtly cyborgian in nature, he just kind of wandered around the stage for a few seconds and then left. Now, last year I saw an Iron Maiden tribute band named Sanctuary; musically, they were great, but in terms of production value, their replica props were rather cheap-looking and their on-stage Eddie was as lame as a bag of lame wrestling with an even bigger bag of lame. However, seeing cyborg Eddie last Friday, I realized that the difference between a high-cost Eddie and a low-cost Eddie is small indeed, because cyborg Eddie was pretty stupid looking. There's a lesson in here, somewhere, I just can't figure out what it is.
***************
And now, a word about the crowd: say what you want about New Jersey, but that place knows how to fucking rock. Despite being in the nosebleed section, everyone around me stood and headbanged for the entire show.
Additionally, rabid Iron Maiden fans took over the Sheraton where we were staying. When we returned to the hotel after the show, there were a few people standing in the lobby bar, calmly talking as a DJ spun some Duran Duran. My friends and I went to our room; a few minutes later I decided to return to the lobby to grab a couple of beers. As I was waiting for the elevator to pick me up, I heard a muffled cry from somewhere nearby: "IRON MAIDEN RULES!" Entering the lobby bar, I was stunned to find it completely packed with Maiden fans, several of whom were wandering about in their complimentary hotel robes. Apparently, someone had threatened to rough up the DJ, because he was now exclusively spinning Maiden songs, as opposed to the synth-pop he had been playing not too long before. Moments later, someone standing near me at the bar noticed that one of the bartenders wore a nametag that read "Eddie"; a chant of "EDDIE, EDDIE, EDDIE!" soon erupted from everyone around me. Grabbing my beers, I took a crowded elevator back to my floor; as I was getting off, someone on the elevator summed up the evening by saying, "I HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT!" I'll admit it, that comment didn't have much to do with Iron Maiden, but in a way it did, if you think about it.
***************
Ultimately, it was a great night, and well worth the approximately $7,000 that we had to pay in tolls just to get to the show. I look at it like this: if I travelled in a time machine back to 1990 and told the 14-year-old me that someday I would get to see Iron Maiden play Heaven Can Wait and Rime of the Ancient Mariner live, I probably would have shit all over myself, thereby ruining my acid-washed jeans. In other words: it's a good thing that I don't have access to a time machine, and more importantly, it's a good time to be an Iron Maiden fan.
