Stoltz? More like Doltz!

This morning, I have some important news: according to the guys who rang me up at H&M the other day, "jumpers are out." That's right, you heard it here first: jumpers = over. While I have absolutely no idea (a) when jumpers were in or (b) what the hell a jumper even is, I still find the news disturbing, so I'm passing it on to whoever is reading this in the hopes that lives will be saved. If you're wondering whether or not I'm the greatest humanitarian who ever lived, wonder no more. The answer is obvious.

The jumper thing isn't the only disturbing news this morning. I'm of course referring here to the awards shocker from this past weekend: I Know Who Killed Me taking home a record-setting 8, count 'em 8, Razzies. I haven't actually seen I Know Who Killed Me, but I did see its trailer perhaps four times before other movies, and it looked pretty awful. But, it won more Razzies than Battlefield Earth and/or Showgirls? It's worse than either of those movies? How can this be? Honestly, I haven't been this confused and appalled by an awards result since XXX-Men edged out What Lies Beneath (My Pants) for the "Best Adapted Screenplay" trophy at the 2001 Boner Awards.

Also confusing and appalling: the clearly-designed-in-Microsoft Word-and-printed-out-at-home sign that I saw in the rear-window of someone's car the other day that read "Barack to the Future". I like Barack Obama as much as the next person, but what the fuck is that supposed to mean? A vote for Barack equals a vote for plutonium theft? A vote for Barack equals the return of the DeLorean? A vote for Barack equals the The Power of Love once again becoming a hit song dominating the airways? A vote for Barack equals the Mr. Fusion Home Energy Converter finally being available for purchase? Actually, all of things sound pretty good. I think I'm definitely voting for Barack Obama now. In hindsight, "Barack to the Future" is an incredibly effective slogan. Kudos to whoever came up with it. You know, if Hillary Clinton had movie-name-take-off slogans like that on her side, she'd probably have secured the nomination by now. Alas, all I can come up with in this vein is "3:ClinTon to Yuma". That's just dumb. Sorry, Clintons, that's the best I can do with such short notice.

And now, a quick word on Back to the Future: according to the film's trivia page on Imdb.com, Eric Stoltz was cast as Marty McFly but was replaced because he "disagreed with the rest of the cast and crew about the tone of the film." What does this mean? Did Eric Stoltz think that Back to the Future would have worked better as a gritty sci-fi-noir drama? Is Eric Stoltz the dumbest man alive? Does anyone have any more information about this?