Mustache Wars!
Do you think there are levels of influence within the porn industry like there is in the world of music? There must be. I guess my question is: who's the Journey of the porn world? That's a hard question to answer because so many male porn actors have mullets (some of the ladies do too), but ultimately, I think it's worth thinking about.
Aside from mullets, nothing says "porn star" quite like "mustache" does. Alright, maybe "herpes" says it better than both of those things. But still, mustaches: they're here to stay. That's why this article is so amazing. It details how Hall & Oates have cancelled the Florida leg of their upcoming tour due to, among other reasons, the fact that John Oates needs more time to work on a cartoon he's developing about the superpowers of his mustache. Seriously. What can I say about this? Mustaches have played important roles throughout history, but never, as far as I know, has a mustache done something as substantial as cancel an entire concert tour. It must be the most powerful mustache ever mustached. Ultimately, I like this story, because someone cancelling a commitment because of his mustache makes me feel better about that time I called off my wedding so that I could stay home and shave a swear word into my pubes. Not many people sided with me at the time, but in hindsight, I think it's pretty obvious that I did the right thing.
As much as I like that story, here's a story that I don't particularly like, for this reason: it details how the United States might soon be surpassed by other countries as the world's leader in scientific and technological innovation, and along the way points out that "[many Americans] are unable to answer correctly when asked whether Earth moves around the Sun." This bothers me because I don't really think that the Earth revolving around the Sun is science per se. It's just a random fact. To me, science is about answering really important questions like "how many molecules are in the average dildo?" or "what would happen to a Mini Cooper if you dropped Camryn Manheim on one from a stationary dirigible?" You know--stuff that could improve our quality of life, not this "the Sun lives in space blah blah blah" bullshit. No wonder we're falling off the innovation pace. Hey, science: how about trying to be less boring and more relevant? Thanks.
